The Best Laid Plans...

With three weekends left before the "BIG DAY," I had such high hopes for spending quality, quantity time with my family of three.  After all, this is the last weekend Derrick, Harper and I had together with just us before I am a non-walker for several months. Next weekend, we are heading to my in-laws house for Thanksgiving Take 1 and the following weekend we are heading to my parents house for Thanksgiving Take 2.

So, of course being the planner that I am, I had both days laid out perfectly.  Derrick has been begging to go to a Newberry football game all year, and their last game was on Saturday in Greenville.  The "plan" was to drive up to Greenville and leisurely stroll down Main Street and peruse the shops before having an early lunch and heading to the game. I have never really explored downtown Greenville, so I was excited about this adventure. On Sunday, we would sleep in (until 8...ya know, parent sleep in time). We could run a few errands, finish the (many) loads of laundry we have piled up, straighten up the house, throw in some fun arts and crafts and generally relax while I got some work done.

Ah, the best laid plans.

The weekend started out as planned. We got up early and head to the Upstate. We made a slight detour in Spartanburg to pop in to see Harper's great-grandmother for a few minutes. Afterwards, we began the short trek to Greenville.  We arrived to Greenville in time for the heavy traffic downtown.  Something was going on at the BiLo Center (which I guess was renamed the Bon Secours Center) and something else was going on Main Street.  Most of the street parking on Main Street was blocked off on Saturday for an unnamed event, so we drove up and down the streets looking for parking for thirty minutes.  I am not sure who was more distressed -- Derrick, who spent this time cursing under his breath, or Harper, who decided to alternative between high pitched shrieking and uncontrollable sobbing. It was a nice little remix for the mid-afternoon drive in Greenville.

Finally, finally, we found a parking spot.  By this time, we needed to modify our plans because Harper needed to have lunch.  She is on a timer when it comes to meals.  We decided to have a quick lunch at Sticky Fingers because it was (1) family friendly and (2) right next to our parking spot. Lunch was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that we had to eat without chewing because Harper was debating showing out in public.  She would busy herself with eating for a minute, then busy herself with saying "Hi" to everyone that walked by, and then when she was bored with that, she would fake cry with a smile on her face. Then repeat. (Looking back, this is the moment that I should have realized the day was going downhill.)

We finished lunch and started our stroll down Main Street.  Derrick and I had already decided that this stroll would be parred down to two stores because it was freezing cold and we were already running behind schedule. We headed down to O.P. Taylor's Toy Store first.  It was very cool, but Harper was bundled up in her stroller and the store was too narrow to let her out. We can't afford the price tag on that type of damage.  Harper got fussy and Derrick started playing with toy guns so I shuffled the family out to the next store, Mast General. Again, another neat store, but it was crowded and Harper was uninterested. We did pick up a pair of gloves for Harper, but we only lasted about 5 minutes here. By this time, Harper needed a nap and we needed to head to North Greenville.

It took about thirty minutes to get to the stadium. Harper refused to sleep for the first twenty-five of those minutes, of course.  About the time we got to the game, it was half-time and Harper had been asleep for five minutes.  Torn between wife-guilt and mommy-guilt, I woke Harper up to go into the game. Big mistake. Waking a baby and bundling her up in a heavy coat, wool hat, gloves, and blanket does not a happy baby make.  However, NGU has a stadium conducive to strollers so as we walked to the visitor's side, Harper got distracted by the noise and people and became her normal happy self.

About five minutes into watching the third quarter, Derrick was frustrated because Newberry was getting blown out and Harper was frustrated because she was stuck in her stroller while the big kids ran around near her.  I decided to take her out of the stroller and walk around, while holding her hand. This worked for a few minutes, but she really wanted to run around on her own. I didn't let her do this because there were a ton of people around and she still isn't 100% steady on her feet all the time. Combine this with the fact that she was bundled up like a snow(wo)man and the fact she has one speed (Kenyan sprinting), and I didn't think it was the best idea.

I picked her up and walked back to Derrick.  I had seen some people we know from Newberry and we decided to go say hello.  Derrick took Harper and we headed over to exchange pleasantries.  Harper got fidgety, so Derrick and I handed her back and forth while talking to the others. Finally, in an effort to stop the distraction in the conversation (distraction being Harper), I put her down and let go of her hand.

Did she take off running? No, she didn't.

Did she smile or laugh or enjoy the fact that she was put down? No, she didn't.

She plunked down on the ground, threw herself backward, and started wailing. Loudly.

I have heard about toddlers throwing tantrums. Heck, I have seen toddlers throwing tantrums.

I have never seen my child throw a tantrum. Definitely not like this. Definitely not in public.

I mean, I thought I had seen her throw a tantrum. I was wrong. This was something totally new. I was mortified. And, honestly, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't going to stay out there and let her scream and cause a scene.  So, I looked at Derrick and the Newberry board member he was talking to and said, "I am really sorry, but we have to leave. I cannot let my child act like this here." They both understood, and the gentleman Derrick was speaking to said "I totally understand. This is a part of being a parent. Remember, your parents had to do this too." It was nice of him, but I never acted that way and I couldn't believe my child acted that way.  (stop rolling your eyes, Mom.)

We headed to the car and Harper calmed down.  Harper and I sat in the car and let Derrick watch some of the game from the parking lot for a few minutes before we headed out.  Harper fell asleep (thank God) and we decided to check out the new Cabelas in Greenville before heading home.  This was another one of the many mistakes I made this weekend.  Greenville traffic (AGAIN) is terrible. We sat at every light for about 15 minutes while trying to get to Cabelas.  And, once we got there, it was huge.  We lasted about a third of the store before Harper's "meal timer" went off.  Although Greenville has a ton of options for restaurants, we were limited to the ones that were family friendly (a.k.a. loud), close by Cabelas and didn't have a long wait time.

We decided on T.G.I.Friday.  Fifty dollars later, we understood we had made yet another mistake.  The food was subpar, the meal was expensive for what it was, and Harper decided to make this meal the one where she was going to feed herself with an adult spoon and no parental help.  We have been introducing a kid friendly spoon at meals (at home) where we can regulate the noise level and mess level.  Miss Independent was not about to let us help her with her mac and cheese. If we even reached in her direction, she would shriek loudly and threaten a meltdown. Now, don't get me wrong. We don't tolerate this behavior. And, we didn't tolerate it last night. We quickly finished what we were going to eat, asked for the check and got the hell outta dodge.  We were completely discouraged, frustrated, and exhausted.  This family will probably not be heading to restaurants for awhile. (although, that is probably a blessing for our checkbook.)

We finally got home, put Harper to bed, and I called it an early night, ready for Sunday to be a better day. (Remember, the plan was to wake up at 8)

Sunday morning.

6:00 a.m.

Harper begins wailing in her room.

Turns out, she had a massive blow out during the night. Such a fun thing to wake up to on a Sunday morning.

So, at 6:15 a.m. we were stripping Harper down and giving her a bath.  Of course, by this point she is wide awake, Derrick is wide awake, and I am (not) wide awake.  Our family Sunday begins.

We have breakfast, Harper has a short nap, and we run errands. Luckily, this part of our day was uneventful, so I will skip to the fun part. Craft time.

A few weeks ago, Harper came home from MMO (Mommy's Morning Out) and she had made this amazing fingerpainted tree. It was her first arts and crafts picture ever. Of course it is hanging on the fridge, and I am a super proud Mommy. My child is obviously a creative genius at 14 months old and I need to foster this creativity. I went to Michael's to pick up some finger paint and canvas for us to enjoy this creative time together as a family.

So, today, I set everything up.  I put out trays with different colors and had a canvas ready to go. Harper poked her finger in the paint and then...

She puts her finger in her mouth.

Ok. Not a big deal. It's non-toxic paint. She can do that. Once.

I guide her hand to the canvas, she giggles and draws around for a few seconds.  She reaches back to the tray and gets more paint on her hangs. And rubs in it her hair. And then back on the canvas.  It's cool. Finger painting is supposed to be messy.

She then tries to grab the canvas.  I gently tell her "No, m'am, we need to leave the canvas on the table."

She looks defiantly at me. Reaches again. Again, I tell her "No, m'am."

She has a psychotic break.
For real.

I mean, screaming, hitting the table, trying to throw herself out of her highchair type of psychotic break.

All because I told her "No."

I ignore her.  This my attempt to teach her that her behavior is not going to dictate my rules.

Major fail.

Before I was a parent, this is the point where I would have judgmentally told someone else that their child needed a spanking.

However, this is my child. And, although I am definitely still a fundamental believer in spankings, I am struggling as to when this is appropriate for my child. Harper still only says a few words and although I know she can understand when I am speaking to her, I just don't think I can spank her until she can verbally communicate with me.

By this point, Harper has been wailing for twenty minutes.

Therefore, I do the only thing I can think to do.

I Facetime my mom.

I figure if anyone can get my child to behave, my mom can.  She can silence a group of kids with one look.  Growing up, she instilled the fear of God in me.  My friends feared her. My friend's parents feared her. I still fear her.

I look at Harper, almost with pity while the phone is ringing. She has no idea what's about to happen.  Facetime connects and Mom appears on the phone.  Harper wails. I tell Mom that Harper is having a tantrum.

I wait.

Mom's voice comes on.

"Oh no, Harper...you don't feel good, do you? You poor thing. Calm down, sweetie. I know you don't feel good"

Wait. What?!?

I look at the phone, and slowly explain. "No, Mom. She is throwing another tantrum. I can't stop it. That's why I am calling."

She totally ignores me.

"Oh, poor Harper. It's ok. You just don't feel good, do you?"

Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me. 

(I may be paraphrasing, but equally obnoxious comments were made in this conversation.)

About this time, Harper realizes she has claimed victory in this little escapade. She starts smiling sweetly at my Mom (a.k.a. "The Traitor"), picks up her baby doll and starts cooing and patting the doll's back.

Unbelievable.

So. Yeah.

In a nutshell, my weekend did not go as planned.

I still have laundry.

I didn't finish all my work.

I may be prematurely graying.

I definitely have an ulcer.

Apparently, my child has decided to start the terrible twos at 14 months. Yippee.

Perfect timing.